I called her Kadan
by Gleesh
Summary: Inspired by lyssalightwing's vignette entitled "She prefers 'Shae'" go read this now! This is a short memoir of the relationship between Sten and the Grey Warden.


I called her _Kadan_

Of all the things in this sad country, the humans are perhaps the most ridiculous. Everywhere you go there they are trying to make things what they consider to be 'better.' They waste their efforts. What they _should_ be doing is their own work and taking pride in knowing that it has been done. That would eliminate much of the wasteful dreaming and desiring of something they can not ever have. The people I travel with do that all the time. Darkspawn would make better companions than mine. Better than all save the hound. He is always reliable.

Humans are like an infection.

In Lothering I did not allow myself to despair or to think of anything past the fact that I had already died. Without Asala, I could not return to the Qun. Nor would I be recognized by any of my people as being Qunari. Without Asala, I was not whole. It would be as though living in blackness. One may still live, but it would be without sensation, color, activity. You know nothing other than what others allow you to know. Without Asala, I lived in that blackness.

And then the Grey Warden came.

As she was, she was for lack of a better term, inept. I did not expect that she could do what she claimed she could. She claimed she could raise an army, she claimed she could defeat the darkspawn. She claimed she would free me, though she did not know what I had meant when I said I did not want to live in a cage anymore. So many things she had planned for herself. For none of these did she have any actual plans. When confronted about this, she would shrug and say that things would happen as they would and that we would make the best out of whatever situation came. That was unacceptable. They were specially so after she dragged me to the whorehouse in Denerim. I did not ask what she sought there, but to my relief she did not look…refreshed when she exited. Nothing was ever said about it afterwards.

I was…surprised in the end.

The Warden managed to raise her army. I did not approve of the mages. They were dangerous, and prone to blowing things up needlessly, for the excitement of it all. However, she trusted them and won their support. They came at the end and kept their word. She found a cure for the human nobleman, Arl Eamon. That was a journey. Who knew the dead could be useful after they had turned to dust? Perhaps it was only coincidence, or perhaps their…'Maker' looks kindly on those who steal ashes from the remains of his beloved. This religion is illogical. She also managed to raise the dwarves from their stone-tomb. They were far more practical about some things than the humans, but they also drank far more than was necessary. The Elves, I thought, could do little to aide us. They are physically weaker and in a fight with darkspawn, warriors are needed. I was surprised, however, by them. They are like…a swarm of bees. One can not do much alone, but many together have the power to be lethal. The Warden did all these things while trusting those travelling with her to fight by her side and while allowing them to offer advice. She took me with her often to fight. That was good, that was my purpose for being here.

For this reason, I called her _Kadan._

She...returned Asala to me. I never thought that I could feel grateful to a human woman. The Warden gave me back my freedom, my Qunness. Without her, I would have died in Ferelden no doubt. Any questions about her leadership were erased at the moment I touched the hilt of my sword again. She found one specific sword in a country enduring civil war and a Blight. It is a feat I do not think many of my own people would attempt, but she did it gladly. For me. Because she said I was her 'companion.' She wanted me to be happy.

We fought the Archdemon together. I admit I was concerned that for all the work she had done, she still had not given any thought to any strategy for fighting this Dragon. I thought that maybe since I was there, and the other grey warden, and the witch, that she would rely upon us once again. At the end, she did not. She slew it with her own hands and the strange force driving the beast destroyed her as it died. I saw purpose in her movements, in her face, and in her eyes. She had known how this battle would end all along. Her sacrifice…I can not think of a harsher end to her duty but she did not turn from it.

Humans are weak. Humans are selfish. Humans are stupid and wasteful and frivolous. She was not a human. She was something far greater even than _Kadan_.


End file.
